Indian Wedding

The “Kayast” or “Kayastha” is a community found in many North Indian states and they follow almost similar customs and rituals in their weddings with slight variations in the ceremonies depending upon the state in which they have been living for many generations.

“Bariksha”, the alliance, is a pre-wedding ritual in which the bride’s people send a silver bowl full of rice, turmeric, and “supari”/betel nut to the groom’s house along with an envelope containing some cash when the parents of the boy and the girl agreed for the wedding between their son and daughter. This ritual acts as a confirmation for the alliance.

As for “Sagai” or formal engagement, the groom’s family members come to the bride’s house with gifts like clothes, jewelry and the engagement ring for the bride. The boy’s mother places the gift items in the bride’s “Kodi”/sari “pallu” and applies “tikka”/vermilion on her forehead.

Haldi and “Tel”/oil bath and beautification rituals signify the purification of the bride’s/groom’s mind, body and soul before entering the path of marriage. The older women of the family apply oil on the bride’s face, arms and legs. “Upton”, a paste made of pure vegetable oils, fresh milk, curds, henna and turmeric is also applied on her face, arms and legs followed by her sisters or cousins taking her for bath. The same ritual is performed for the groom in his house.

In the “Tilak” ceremony, all the bride’s relatives go to the groom’s house with clothes, jewelry, gifts, fruits, sweetmeats and the “tilak” paste made of rice and vermilion. These gift items are placed in the “puja”/prayer room or in front of the family deity and the bride’s family members bless the groom by applying the ‘tilak”/vermilion on his forehead.

Mehendi is a mega event in which professional mehendi artist makes intricate beautiful designs on the hands and feet of the bride using henna paste. In the Uttar Pradesh “Kayasth” community even the groom’s hands are decorated with henna designs. It is a joyous occasion for both the family members to sing, dance and eat,

On the day of the “Bhaat” the bride’s maternal uncle visits her house
with saris, jewelry and other gift items and gives them to his sister and niece. He even hosts a lunch for the groom’s family and gives them gifts.

Now the groom gets ready for the “Baraat”/wedding procession, a very colorful and grand ceremony. He puts on the traditional white and “Achkan”, a long jacket with a Nehru collar and a tight bottom called “Churidars”. He also wears a “safa”/turban and a “kalgi” or brooch is pinned onto it while a sword or dagger is tucked in the waistband. Before he leaves for the wedding venue all his family members apply “tikka”/vermilion on his forehead. The groom uses a beautifully decorated car for the ‘Baraat’ these days.

At the entrance of the wedding venue, groom’s party is given a warm reception by the bride’s people; especially her mother applies a “tikka”/vermilion on the groom’s forehead as a welcome gesture. The bride’s female relatives and friends escort her to the wedding hall and before stepping into the “mantap”/altar the bride and groom exchange garlands. This ritual, known as “Jaimala”, signifies their acceptance of each other as life partner. Now the wedding rites begin with the couple, their parents and the Brahmin “Pujari”/Priest who performs the wedding rites, are seated at the ‘mantap’/altar.

The priest lights the “havan”/sacred fire in the midst of chanting of Vedic mantras. All the auspicious wedding rituals are held in front of “Agni Devta” or God of Fire. The parents of the bride and groom offer “puja”/prayers to Lord Ganesha and other deities; so that the couple can fulfill the aims of life, “Dharma”/duty, “Artha”/worldly prosperity and “Kama”/physical desires. The ‘pujari’/priest, chanting mantras, adds pure ghee or butter, wood and “samaghri”/a mixture of pure butter, grains of rice and herbs, to the holy fire.

In the “Kanyadaan” ceremony, the bride, groom and the bride’s parents stand in front of the fire. The parents of the bride join their left hands while the groom keeps his right hand over theirs and the bride then keeps her right hand over the groom’s right hand. Now the parents lock their right palms and keep them over the couple’s hands. At this moment the bride’s father asks the groom whether he is prepared to accept his daughter as his wife and whether he will discharge the duties of a responsible husband. The groom accepts and the parents give away their daughter to him by chanting the names of the fathers and forefathers of both families.

After ‘kanyadaan’, end of the groom’s scarf is tied to the bride’s sari pallu “or “dupatta”/veil. This marital knot signifies the coming together of the couple. Next ritual is the promises made between the bride and the groom sitting in front of the; havan;/sacred fire followed by the couple making seven pheras/circles around the fire and taking their seven wedding vows. In the first three pheras, the bride walks first around the fire while during the next four pheras the groom leads her. The “Pujari”/priest continues with recital of the mantras and offering “samaghri” to the fire all through the pheras.

The most touching ceremony, “Bidaai” or the bridal send off is filled with emotionally charged moments when the bride bids tearful farewell to her family and friends. She begins her journey to the new house in a decorated car along with her life partner and her brother or any male relative from her family.

At the entrance of her new house, the bride’s mother-in-law receives her by performing the traditional “Aarti” and leads her to the family “Puja”/prayer room where she is seated in front of family deity. Finally she sits in a room, her head uncovered, when the relatives come and get acquainted with her and give lovely GIFTS.